My thoughts on coffee

First, I would to make note of my terrible experience with Delta Airlines today. I took a connecting flight from Cincinnati to STL and not only was it delayed, it was a 20 passenger plane. That was the most unpleasant flight I've ever been a part of.

Moving along, I'm making progress on my quest to taste and enjoy real coffee. At Kaldi's, I got a mocha... yes, a hot one. It actually didn't taste like dirt. Unfortunately, coffee apparently makes me emotional so I spent the following 3 hours driving myself through the side roads of O'fallon. I'm now sitting in my creaky, hissing house deciding what to do with the remainder of my coffee buzz.

College Update: I'm making friends at Vanderbilt--via facebook, of course. I'm also getting kind of excited about it and the possibilities it offers. It's a fresh start in a new town which is always good.

If I could describe this Christmas in one sentence/song lyric, it would be as follows. "So this is Christmas..." As most (all?) of you know, I spent this Christmas in Florida with my grandparents/aunts/uncle. Christmas eve consisted of 4 hours at the beach, dinner with 14 random old people and my family followed by a candlelight church service in which the minister compared Jesus to a GPS and instructed us how to hold a lit candle (flame upward) . We then went back to the hotel where my sick brother had been sleeping the entire day, literally.

This morning, we woke up and caught the last of the continental breakfast (barf). We then went to my grandma's condo ( a 40 by 20 cell in a racist retirement cult village) and sat around for a few hours. My mom, dad and I went to the beach again where some lonely old people set up their fine china for a Christmas feast on the beach. We had Christmas turkey (whatever happened to ham?) at my grandma's where the real fun began. My grandma (72 years old) began the "that's what she said" rally that lasted an entire hour. We watched Elf, visited my other ultra-religious grandparents and exchanged gifts. My Christmas gifts: $30, a kohl's gift card, tickets to the Rockettes, money in May towards a laptop, a "Jesus thinks I'm beautiful" book, a pearl bracelet and some smelly lotion.

My reflection: It's definitely the weirdest Christmas I had. I would much rather spend it at home in the sub-zero degree weather, but I'm really grateful that I got to go on such a great vacation with all my family.

My thoughts on Santa are as follows: I stopped believing in Santa when he stopped believing in me.

The insomnia of a certain unnamed friend has rubbed off on me. My last night of finals studying has turned into an all-nighter. I can't sleep because I'm too busy facebooking and John Mayer-ing to finish studying. Basically, I'm gunna fail my exams. But, the good news is... I finally picked a college. Vanderbilt it is. Certain other unnamed friends don't approve of this decision. But I don't like that unnamed friend anyways because he/she is a jerk who wishes cruel things upon my non-existent children. If/When I have children, I will peacefully birth them with the assurance that no matter how horrible they may be, there's at least one other he/she in the world that's worse off.

Any positive comments regarding my college decision are welcome. Others who desire to wish ill things upon me can contact the aforementioned he/she.

The sole purpose of this post is a college update. The mail lady failed to deliver yesterday... literally, so I stalked her today. Normally, I don't stalk postal workers but Vanderbilt ED letters were mailed on the 15th so mine should have come yesterday. Sure enough, it came today. I am accepted in the Early Decision pool. While I'm excited about this, I'm way more stressed. I'm supposed to send a $400 deposit to Vanderbilt by December 31st with a signature saying that I'm going there and withdrawing all other applications. I'm really not okay with that. See, people lie. The old "you have plenty of time to decide" line just doesn't cut it right now. As of today, I have a little over 2 weeks to decide my future. That's a daunting task. I've narrowed my choices down, yet again. Baylor/ Vanderbilt. Now here's the problem.. I have yet to visit Baylor and that's obviously not possible before December 31st. I'm really not sure how this is going to play out but suggestions/comments/prayers are much appreciated.

Commodore/Bear? These are the questions that haunt my mind.

An affinity for elf culture

Whether or not you appreciate Will Ferrel as an actor, I think we can all agree that Elf is by far the greatest Christmas movie. There's nothing about that movie that I don't like. In fact, Elf is part of the reason I look forward to Christmas. I also like ugly Christmas sweaters and fake santas. I like going to Macy's at Christmas because it looks red and pretty. I like when it's 58 degrees on December 14th. I do not, however, like when the temperature drops and a blizzard comes and the school tells me to take my last final after Christmas break. There's my bitter rant of the day. If you don't like Elf, your comments are unwanted.

First, I finished the book I was reading and I still strongly reccomend it. If you're interested in a comparison between a twice-convicted murderer and Jesus, this book is for you. It's a pretty easy read but I feel somewhat smarter after reading it. Check it out

Second, I have a few choice words for Carl Dennis. I was reading his poem "The God who loves you" for my American Lit class and I did not appreciate what I read. Let me start by saying that it is a good poem. However, it related far too well to my current dilemma concerning college choices. The poem talks about how upset God must be that he has to watch this man live the wrong life because he chose his first-choice college instead of his second-choice. He didn't marry the woman he was supposed to, he didn't pursue the career he was supposed to and he didn't end up happy like he was supposed to. Needless to say, college is again at the top of my worry list. Thank you, Carl.
http://www.sheilaomalley.com/archives/000608.html

I'm in desperate need of a new cd. Yes, cd. Unlike the rest of America, I do not have an iPod (unless you count a broken shuffle). If anyone would like to make me a cd, he/she should feel free to :). I'm currently obsessed with John Mayer's cover of "Free Fallin", if anyone cares.

Today I was driving home from school and the sky looked especially cool. I thought about how interesting it is that everyone looks at the same sun,but depending on where you are in the world, you see different things surrounding the sun and on the skyline. It's crazy that when I was looking at the sun today and saw clouds surrounding it, someone in Florida looked at the sun and saw a clear sky. Perhaps this isn't as interesting as I think it is...

College Update: After 2 weeks of NO college mail, I received 5 things in the mail today from various colleges. None of them, however, were acceptance (or rejection) letters... Someday!

Change of Heart

I'm currently reading this really awesome book by Jodi Picoult titled "Change of Heart". I came across it when I left my backpack at home and therefore had nothing to do at school yesterday. It's a novel about a woman who lost her first husband in a car accident, remarried, lost her second husband (a police officer who was at the scene of her first husband's accident) and her daughter in a homicide. The murderer was a carpenter who showed up at her door seeking work; She and her husband hired him to finish their addition. The woman was pregnant at the time that her daughter and husband were killed and soon thereafter had the baby. The girl, eleven years later, is in need of a heart transplant and her husband/daughter's killer is on death row wishing to be the donor of this heart. I won't give away anymore but the book deals with some really interesting issues concerning death penalty, differences between Judaism and Christianity, the coming of the Messiah and the legal system as a whole. If you're looking for a good read, I reccomend it. I also reccomend Matt W's latest post!

College Update: It's been about a month and a half since I've recieved an acceptance (or rejection) letter from any colleges... I'm probably going to look into that soon. More on that later.

So my Waterway cult job doesn't exactly provide me with a surplus of money to spend on Christmas gifts and frankly, I'm okay with that. I'm trying to figure out ways to still get things for my family, though, without spending a ton of money (cause I don't have any...). I'm realizing that it's a lot harder than I thought. I'm probably going to end up donating all the money I would have spent on stuff to Living Water and writing them Christmas cards but if anybody has ideas... throw them my way! I checked out http://www.rethinkingchristmas.com/ and found some ideas but I'm not the artsy craftsy type so any other suggestions are appreciated. Thank you much :)

My latest epiphany is that sometimes it's okay to stay home and not do anything... and sometimes it's even okay to spend time with my family. Tonight I went to dinner with my little brother and my parents and I realized that this is my last year to be able to do stuff like that whenever I want to. It's honestly a huge blessing to be able to spend time with them whenever I want and I take that for granted a lot. I also really enjoy my friends and their wonderful humor. I envy their wit and hope that someday I'll be as clever as they are. I'm more nervous than ever about choosing a college for next year but I'm gunna let that go for now and enjoy senior year... or at least what's left of it ! And if you have not yet seen this video, I strongly recommend you watch it immediately...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEtP9zQAOI4

Advent Conspiracy

I'm just really impressed with the growth that Living Water and the Advent Conspiracy have undergone over the past 2 years. I also think it's really awesome that I was able to experience that growth firsthand. Being part of one of the first 4 churches to contribute their Christmas offering to Living Water is such a cool thing to be able to say. I think it's incredible how the AC has grown from 4 churches to over 1,000 in one year. I think the reason I'm most excited about this is because something that I'm a part of is actually making a huge difference around the world. Also, I think AC is a really awesome idea because Christmas needs to be taken back to the basics and what better way to do it?

College update: Too busy working on papers to worry about that whole college thing.

So I've officially been categorized. Someone I work with was trying to convince me that every girl falls into a category, so i insisted that he categorize me. He said that he would define me in one word instead: pleaser. My first instinct was to argue against this until I realized how true it is. I hate confrontation and conflict so I'll do just about anything to avoid it. It's a major weakness of mine because it allows people to walk all over me. I can't stand to have someone mad at me so I'll do anything to "make it right" when in reality, I'm not always at fault. I guess gaining confidence would fix the problem but who knows. For now, I'm stuck in my category.

College update: I scheduled a Baylor visit for 2/16 and will be flying down and staying with a friend!

High school update: It's coming to an end all too quickly. I'm well aware of the fact that I still have 5 months of high school, but I'm also aware that 4 are already over in the blink of an eye. Who's to say that the next 5 won't go by just as fast? ... Sad

Ecclesiastes 7:8
"The end of matter is better than its beginning..."

It's ironic how I go to a private, catholic school to not only recieve a strong education, but to advance my spiritual life when in reality, religion in school detracts me from Christianity. Somebody thought it would be a good idea to close 70 Eastbound today; I disagreed with that decision. Nonetheless, I was late to school and I was getting pretty worried about it when I was 10 minutes away from school, already 15 minutes late. My only open period was the first hour of the day and I couldn't miss that. I was so happy to find out that we had extended homeroom today for a school-wide required prayer service which I would be missing instead of my open period. Isn't it sad how I was excited to miss out on this? I guess I just struggle with Catholocism and the rituals and traditions that go along with it. I hate how private schooling has caused me to despise things like prayer services and liturgies. However, my hatred for school-related religion has instilled in me an undying love for my unconventional church. Instead of seeking out answers to my questions at school, I turn to my church. God works in mysterious ways.

College update: I did nothing today that had any relation to college and it felt awesome

Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good..."

Miscellaneous

I realized today how dependent I am upon my busy schedule. When I get put on call at work, I don't know what to do with myself. My life has become a routine. It works when everything goes as planned but days like today leave me with too much free time. Today I chose to go driving because when all else fails, why not waste gas? I drove out to Busch Wildlife and I was amazed at how much I loved it. I'm not an outdoorsy person but I found a spot that was so calming that I left and drove back again later. The snow might have played into my newfound appreciation of nature, but regardless, I wholeheartedly enjoyed being outside in the middle of nowhere. I like the fact that things in nature can grow and thrive without worrying about how to grow and thrive. That's a lesson I needed to learn. If other parts of creation can survive without worrying, I probably can too.

College update: Today I filled out yet another application. Windsor people along with Matt Westermayer have convinced me that it's worth my time to check out Baylor, so I will. A Christian college might not be such a bad idea after all.

Side note: I decided that it would be an awesome idea to climb inside this cave on the side of a rock wall at Busch Wildlife and it was really fantastic until my landing. My knee suffered but the camera was safe. All's well that ends well.

Matthew 6:28
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin"

Gratitude

I'd like to start by saying how strange it is that my friends actually read this.

Today was one of those days when I understand what it means to be content. Right now, there's things in my life that are undecided (college) and things that probably need improvement but for now, I'm content with where I'm at. I was driving home tonight in the sleety nasty snow and realized that I have the best friends I could ask for. That sounds so cliche but I honestly think that. I love the fact that we can sit at someone's house for hours and never once be truly bored. I also love my church. I love the honesty and I love that I feel comfortable being there no matter where I stand with God. As much as I could find to complain about, I have a whole lot more to be thankful for.

Phillipians 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

P.S.- You should check out Chris's blog, even though you can't follow it

Disappointment

It never fails, the feeling of disappointment. As the end of my high school career is close upon me, I'm overcome with a sense of disappointment. Suprisingly, I'm not disappointed with myself. It seems like everytime I accomplish something academically or even extracurricularly, it's just one noch below what is expected of me. I don't know when I morphed into this ideal student who just "does well" but I resent it. My family seems to think that I am just destined to succeed with little to no effort on my part. I recently recieved a scholarship to attend Saint Louis University in the amount of $12,000/year. I then recieved elligibility for the Missouri School Bright Flight scholarship in the amount of $2,000/year. I was pretty proud of these scholarships because of all the effort I have put into my academics as well as my extra curriculars over the last 4 years. I guess I just expected a more excited reaction from my parents than a simple "Wow, well good". In the end, I'm only trying to impress myself but a little appreciation would go a long way. So much for congratulations...

2 Chronicles 15:4
"But in their distress they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them."

Colleges & Careers

Friday is the deadline for all college applications to be turned in to my counselor. This really doesn't seem like a big deal to me as I've already applied to all my schools and decided where I want to go. But of course, it's never that easy.
It's been a long, stressful struggle to find a college that's the right fit for me and I feel like I finally found it, SLU. However, this doesn't fit into my mom's dreams for me which involve Vanderbilt and med school.
The more I thought about it, Vanderbilt is a lot of money for an experience that I could get at SLU. When people ask me what I'm going to be I automatically spit out the answer "pediatrician" without a second thought. Today, I wondered when I decided that I wanted to be a pediatrician and I realized that I never did. It's my mother's dream. I do want to go to med school but honestly, I don't do well with kids.
Now that I've picked a school that I like, it fails to satisfy everyone else and I am back to square one with a career decision. Whoever said senior year was a joke was wronggg. Hopefully, I'll come to the realization that the place everyone else wants me to be in life and the place God wants me to be are probably not the same. Hopefully I make the right decision!

Psalm 18:30
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. "

A strong case of senioritis

As the semester comes to an end, my senioritis continues to set in. Despite my best efforts, I continue to procrastinate work for absolutely no reason other than I'd rather not do it. Somehow, I manage to turn things in on time and keep my grades up and it honestly baffles me. I do nothing, yet still succeed. I guess my years of cramming and rushing have finally served a purpose.

Senioritis for me isn't just procrastinating. It's also this sporadic depression about the end of my high school career. I've come to the realization that there are girls from my graduating class that I will probably never see again. I've waited for this year for so long and now that it's here it seems to go too fast. I want to embrace every big moment and make it last forever but instead they all fly by. I've already had my last homecoming, my last birthday at home, and before I know it, Christmas will be over. I guess my biggest struggle is living in the moment and not taking a minute for granted.

Matthew 6:27
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"