overdue update

If we're being honest, and I think that we are, I temporarily forgot that I had a blog.
I apologize to those of you that actually read this before I abandoned it, which probably amounts to less than a good amount of people. Here's a life update for my own well-being, if nothing else:

I received my financial aid letter from Vanderbilt and will be receiving $45,000 in Financial Aid grants from them. I can't tell you what a blessing this is to my family and my stress level. I no longer have to worry about student loans and the hassle that comes with all that.

Shortly after, I received my rejection email from Harvard. A class with such prestige must not waste postage on applicants like myself, so I was cyber-rejected. Of the 29,000 applicants this year, I rest assured that this rejection did not cause me nearly as much heartache as most.

My three cousins ( Troy-5, Christina-7 and Dwight- 11) are now living in my house. This is the result of an ugly divorce. Now more than ever, I have an indescribable amount of respect for my mom who is now responsible for feeding, clothing and providing an education for 7 children.... yes, seven. She is nothing short of a super-mom.

More updates to come...

"And it seemed like He was locked in a cage, and He couldn't find a way of escape, but through the cross He conquered the grave. My Jesus ran the opposite way."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jib8_vjLvmY

This song is probably one of the most comforting things in my life right now. The past few weeks have been a huge whirlwind. I've had amazing days and absolutely dreadful days. The lyrics of this song just speak right to me. "If you feel lost and tired, this is your song. Oh My God, shine your light on us". I couldn't think of a better way to describe myself emotionally right now. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this but I felt really strongly about it. I guess I would just really appreciate prayers.. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about a lot of things so prayers are definitely necessary.

i've been waiting for inspiration to strike for about a month now. in that month, i've gathered much to talk about.
first- i got "the message" tonight and am excited to read a different translation of the bible than i've read before. also, it's my first bible of my own which i'm super excited about.

second- i revisited the old sunday night post-youth spot tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it. i'm surrounded by really awesome people and i often fail to appreciate that.

third- i overheard the coolest conversation tonight at middle school youth group. i accidently walked into the auditorium while rob was talking to two 8th grade boys and decided it was okay to stay and listen. basically, they've struggled with a lot of things I haven't even struggled with and they see God's plan through all of it. i sometimes get caught up in the idea of being a senior and being so "wise" when really, i have SO much to learn and experience myself.

overdue

Over this crazy break, my blogging duties got the shaft. No worries, though. It'll be back in full swing soon enough... if anyone even reads this.
I guess my most exciting news which most of you know is that I found a roommate! She is awesome. We have a ton of things in common, are studying the same thing, want to join the same sorority and hate the same things so it should be really fun.
In other news, I never thought a day would come when I call into work because of the temperature, but sure enough today was the day. I can honestly say I have never been this cold in my entire life. I've decided that it's best for my personal well-being if I don't go to school tomorrow if it really is 3 degrees like it's supposed to be. Someday I'll thank me.
Lastly, I love being reminded of how incredible my friends are. Next year I think the thing I'll miss the most is just lazy nights sitting around with my friends. I've learned so much from them and I wouldn't trade those friendships for anything.
Until warmer weather or inspiration...

This post is going to be on the creepy/eerie side.

I think that as time goes on, I get more and more paranoid of death. Not just of myself dying, but my parents, my brothers and my friends. They say that in high school you'll know 3 people who die. I know at least 7 off the top of my head. I guess it just makes me wonder why that couldn't happen to me, and honestly, it could. I can't get in a fight with someone for more than an hour because I get paranoid that they're going to die or I will. It's honestly tearing me apart. I guess when my time comes, it comes but I'm really unsatisfied with that answer.

a resolution

Tonight I went to a friend's mother's funeral. Honestly, this is not something I imagined myself doing over Christmas break. She had breast cancer and died in a coma the night after Christmas. Of course when I found out, my thoughts immediately jumped to my own mother. I tried to remember the last thing I said to her, the last thing I did for her. I guess it's times like these that I'm reminded of how quickly life comes and goes. In the blink of an eye, my entire life can change. I try to convince myself that this could never happen to me, but that's out of my control.

In light of a tragic event, my "resolution" is to love more openly. My family is not the touchy-feely type, but I want to be okay with hugging my mom for no reason. I want to take my little brother out to dinner just to spend time with him. In 8 months, that's not going to be an easy thing to do and I'm wasting time without realizing it. I guess this break has just been a huge wake-up call. Every minute that passes is time I'll never get back; why throw it away?

My thoughts on coffee

First, I would to make note of my terrible experience with Delta Airlines today. I took a connecting flight from Cincinnati to STL and not only was it delayed, it was a 20 passenger plane. That was the most unpleasant flight I've ever been a part of.

Moving along, I'm making progress on my quest to taste and enjoy real coffee. At Kaldi's, I got a mocha... yes, a hot one. It actually didn't taste like dirt. Unfortunately, coffee apparently makes me emotional so I spent the following 3 hours driving myself through the side roads of O'fallon. I'm now sitting in my creaky, hissing house deciding what to do with the remainder of my coffee buzz.

College Update: I'm making friends at Vanderbilt--via facebook, of course. I'm also getting kind of excited about it and the possibilities it offers. It's a fresh start in a new town which is always good.