Miscellaneous

I realized today how dependent I am upon my busy schedule. When I get put on call at work, I don't know what to do with myself. My life has become a routine. It works when everything goes as planned but days like today leave me with too much free time. Today I chose to go driving because when all else fails, why not waste gas? I drove out to Busch Wildlife and I was amazed at how much I loved it. I'm not an outdoorsy person but I found a spot that was so calming that I left and drove back again later. The snow might have played into my newfound appreciation of nature, but regardless, I wholeheartedly enjoyed being outside in the middle of nowhere. I like the fact that things in nature can grow and thrive without worrying about how to grow and thrive. That's a lesson I needed to learn. If other parts of creation can survive without worrying, I probably can too.

College update: Today I filled out yet another application. Windsor people along with Matt Westermayer have convinced me that it's worth my time to check out Baylor, so I will. A Christian college might not be such a bad idea after all.

Side note: I decided that it would be an awesome idea to climb inside this cave on the side of a rock wall at Busch Wildlife and it was really fantastic until my landing. My knee suffered but the camera was safe. All's well that ends well.

Matthew 6:28
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin"

Gratitude

I'd like to start by saying how strange it is that my friends actually read this.

Today was one of those days when I understand what it means to be content. Right now, there's things in my life that are undecided (college) and things that probably need improvement but for now, I'm content with where I'm at. I was driving home tonight in the sleety nasty snow and realized that I have the best friends I could ask for. That sounds so cliche but I honestly think that. I love the fact that we can sit at someone's house for hours and never once be truly bored. I also love my church. I love the honesty and I love that I feel comfortable being there no matter where I stand with God. As much as I could find to complain about, I have a whole lot more to be thankful for.

Phillipians 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

P.S.- You should check out Chris's blog, even though you can't follow it

Disappointment

It never fails, the feeling of disappointment. As the end of my high school career is close upon me, I'm overcome with a sense of disappointment. Suprisingly, I'm not disappointed with myself. It seems like everytime I accomplish something academically or even extracurricularly, it's just one noch below what is expected of me. I don't know when I morphed into this ideal student who just "does well" but I resent it. My family seems to think that I am just destined to succeed with little to no effort on my part. I recently recieved a scholarship to attend Saint Louis University in the amount of $12,000/year. I then recieved elligibility for the Missouri School Bright Flight scholarship in the amount of $2,000/year. I was pretty proud of these scholarships because of all the effort I have put into my academics as well as my extra curriculars over the last 4 years. I guess I just expected a more excited reaction from my parents than a simple "Wow, well good". In the end, I'm only trying to impress myself but a little appreciation would go a long way. So much for congratulations...

2 Chronicles 15:4
"But in their distress they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them."

Colleges & Careers

Friday is the deadline for all college applications to be turned in to my counselor. This really doesn't seem like a big deal to me as I've already applied to all my schools and decided where I want to go. But of course, it's never that easy.
It's been a long, stressful struggle to find a college that's the right fit for me and I feel like I finally found it, SLU. However, this doesn't fit into my mom's dreams for me which involve Vanderbilt and med school.
The more I thought about it, Vanderbilt is a lot of money for an experience that I could get at SLU. When people ask me what I'm going to be I automatically spit out the answer "pediatrician" without a second thought. Today, I wondered when I decided that I wanted to be a pediatrician and I realized that I never did. It's my mother's dream. I do want to go to med school but honestly, I don't do well with kids.
Now that I've picked a school that I like, it fails to satisfy everyone else and I am back to square one with a career decision. Whoever said senior year was a joke was wronggg. Hopefully, I'll come to the realization that the place everyone else wants me to be in life and the place God wants me to be are probably not the same. Hopefully I make the right decision!

Psalm 18:30
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. "

A strong case of senioritis

As the semester comes to an end, my senioritis continues to set in. Despite my best efforts, I continue to procrastinate work for absolutely no reason other than I'd rather not do it. Somehow, I manage to turn things in on time and keep my grades up and it honestly baffles me. I do nothing, yet still succeed. I guess my years of cramming and rushing have finally served a purpose.

Senioritis for me isn't just procrastinating. It's also this sporadic depression about the end of my high school career. I've come to the realization that there are girls from my graduating class that I will probably never see again. I've waited for this year for so long and now that it's here it seems to go too fast. I want to embrace every big moment and make it last forever but instead they all fly by. I've already had my last homecoming, my last birthday at home, and before I know it, Christmas will be over. I guess my biggest struggle is living in the moment and not taking a minute for granted.

Matthew 6:27
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"